Thursday, September 5, 2013

Life Lately...

Today has been two weeks since my Dad passed away...

And it still does not feel real at all. I honestly still feel like I am going to wake up from this nightmare. Wake up from all of this with an infinite amount of texts from my Dad- with him asking me when my next visit will be or that he loves me.

I would give anything to just hear my Dads voice, just one last time.
You never know what tomorrow might bring has never rung so true to me, until I lost my Dad. I didn't know that our text was going to be our last. I didn't know my Dad would get even more sick and never wake up.
And it kills me inside...

Now that my Dad has passed away, when I am at his house, I take pictures of every single thing that reminds me of him. I cannot even contain myself... I just don't want to forget anything.

I want to remember the chair he sat on while he puffed the dreadful cigs, watched the squirrels tear apart the bird feeder, admired his plants that flourished, and just watch him sit & think about life.
I want to remember the bandana he threw on before his radiation and chemo treatments.
I want to remember the electric cig he smoked & the glasses he wore when we watched out favorite game shows together.
I want to always remember the place on the couch with his propped up pillows and green blanket. The place that he relaxed and slept.

I want to remember his office- how he organized bills  and lined them up the same way I do. And the love he had for knick knacks.

I want to always remember his handwriting, his passion for books from his college years, his collection of mugs, his unique ways of organization (which I now know where I get it from) and his love for good ole Sopranos (I hope my Dad & Tony Soprano are kicking back together in Heaven).

I want to always remember the amazing craft that God blessed him with... Being a wonderful craftsmen. His tools & his shop made him smile. It was his happy place... and he loved building things. He was completely, without a doubt, wonderful at it.
I want to remember his last escapade that scared the shit out of all of us.
On August 8, he took the car without anyone knowing. He hadn't driven in years and was on medication to help with the pain of his treatment. We all called & texted him a million times- no answers. About two hours went by and he finally came home.
He went to Lowe's to get wood to build a shelf. 
We were honestly unsure how the hell he made it to Lowe's, shopped, and came back safely.  
*I know now, that God looked out for him the entire way... because he knew that it would be his last shelf my Dad would ever build on Earth.  

My Dad now rests in peace, with no pain. And I will never forget him or the things he loved in life. I will never forget our "camping trips" in our living room as we toasted delicious marshmallows in the fireplace. I will never, ever forget the "I love you more" game that we played driving in the car. I will always remember the way he called me Squeaky. I will always remember how he would blame his  farts on the little mouse in the couch.

I will never forget him... And when I ever feel lonely, I will to look up and talk to him.

 *Dad- I love you and miss you more than you will ever know. I would give anything to bring you back... I love you, more !!

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