Sunday, May 26, 2013

Life Happens...

Let's forget about accessories and decorating for a bit & let's talk about life (warning: it's going to be a long one, but hang in there with me).
Several months ago, I got a call that my Dad had several seizures and was in ICU and not looking good. My heart literally broke. I knew that he hadn't led a healthy lifestyle with drinking and smoking, but I didn't realize   how bad it actually was. 

So that weekend my husband, sister, and I packed up our bags and headed towards Tampa to visit him. When we got to the hospital I was honestly in complete utter shock. He laid in the hospital bed- hooked to IV's and completely incoherent. Only thing I could understand him saying was I love you, which was all I wanted in that moment (partially from medicines and swelling of his tongue from the seizure). I remember just standing over him & praying non-stop. I prayed to God that he would get another chance at life. He made unhealthy mistakes, but he deserved another chance. 
Before we left the ICU to head back to Jacksonville, it all hit me hard. I had kept it together pretty good, but I absolutely lost it in front of him. As incoherent as he was, he knew I was crushed... a tear streamed down his face and he said I love you. It was hard when we got home because that was all I could remember.

I knew that all we could do was pray. Have our friends, family, church, and co-workers just pray. After   weeks in the hospital with no sleep, my dad finally slept! Not only did he sleep & get some rest, but he woke up & ate on his own. This was a true miracle and power of prayer. After several more days & progressing he was released from the hospital. He still had a long road ahead of him, but he was free from IV's and hospital beds. 

Although I was thrilled about him leaving the hospital, I knew that it was going to be a new journey for him at home. He had to give up some tough habits that he has had for 20+ years. And he was still having throat issues that remained unresolved in the hospital. 
I knew deep down there was something going on...with hard time drinking and eating, there had to be an underlying issue. 

After several weeks out of the hospital and progressively getting better and one bad habit gone- to say I was thrilled was an understatement. He had been gradually gaining weight, laying out by the pool, having in-home physical therapy, all of his levels were evening out, and seemed to be getting better day-by-day.  

Then the dreadful, unexpected day came... my father was diagnosed with absolutely horrible shitty f*%!ing throat cancer. All I could think of was... when the f*!# is he going to catch a break?! Why is this happening when things were finally coming together for him!? WHY!! Hasn't he already suffered enough... 

For days, all I could do was cry... cry for him, cry for his wife, cry for my sister and I, cry because I want my future kids to meet their grandpa someday, cry because we've missed out on so much time together & I want that time back... I just cried, all the time.

After a few weeks, more information was provided about treatment and goals. Instead of crying all the time, I realized that all I can do right now is try my hardest be positive and pray, pray, pray!! 
He will be starting chemo and radiation on June 19th for the next 7+ weeks. 
I know it will be a long battle for him, but I am praying to God that he will give him strength to get through this horrible time. He will make it through this, he has to. 

If you're reading this-- please pray that my dad beats this dreadful, no good- throat cancer. 

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